Dealing with tension

I've found myself talking about tension a lot recently. I don't why. Maybe it's because people around me simply want to win. They feel so strongly about their point of view and that it's too precious to them not to be accepted. They fight. They argue. They do what it takes. Tension fills the air.

At home there's tension: Why didn't you feed the dog? Why did your brother hit you? What did your sister say when you stole her doll? What sort of time is this to come home? At work there's tension: I told you do this 3 days ago! What has taken you so long? Didn't you get the mail? It's due today. If we don't have the presentation ready for tomorrow we're all done for.

What I find interesting is that nobody seems to understand that tension isn't there to be resolved. It doesn't exist to be won. No-one realises this. Tension simply exists to be played with. Nobody wins ... or loses. What matters is how you play the tension. What did you do to tighten the string? Did you have a reasonable argument? Were your facts in order? Did the debate swing in your direction?

All this leads to my understanding that tension is there to be played with. It's like jamming. With your friends. Each individual is responsible for a particular sound. An instrument. So if the project manager is responsible for the bass guitar, the lead designer works the piano and the developer bangs the drum, then each in their own right contributes to the overall sound of the project. Each member of the team seems to think that they need to win. To walk away satisfied. Leaving only the dum dum dum dummm dumm left. Thats no good for the sound of the project. Each instrument is vital for the overall mix. So the players need to bulk and squawk, have their say and start to jam. Only then will the sweet spot be found.

The debate, issues, argument needs to be played for all it's worth. With every instrument in the spotlight. Some will shine, others will fall ... but at the end of the session each will have been heard and find a place. And they all need to be there. The argument is simply a way of organising each instrument. It is never won, nor lost, but played. Remember this.

The next time you feel tension in the room, take a look around you. Who are the band members? What instruments are they playing? Do you hold an instrument? Then understand this: the purpose of the gathering is to jam as hard as you can and find the sweet spot. There are no winners or loses. You are part of the team. And try to orchestrate the sweetest possible sound you've ever heard. Then ... and only then .. walk away feeling satisfied.